i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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