she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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