His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
