So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
