I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
