Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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