Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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