Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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