i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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