Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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