When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
