cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize