At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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