Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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