you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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