I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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