My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
