Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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