OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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