the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
