allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
