i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is my gift to your gina
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
