At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
