you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
