you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
