i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
