There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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