How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The air taste purple.
Randomize
