I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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