this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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