Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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