yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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