pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didn't shave. On purpose
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
