So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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