im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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