i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
