Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
