Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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