bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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