I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
