Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
