I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
