I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
