I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
