I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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