It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
