how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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