and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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