Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
