I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i think my cat just said my name.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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