I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Randomize
