I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize