The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
