ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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