If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
