if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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