i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
