You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
