I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
