Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
