anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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