new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize