the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
