i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im holly from the hills drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
