I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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