Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
