do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
