stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
