I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm at about main and main street
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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