I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
