He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
