I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
