Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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