The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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