2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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